Still Trying (a struggle with words…)

I should be able by now – now having circumvented
so many cracks in the road
which might have spread and wracked and wruined [sic] my progress
breaking my onward journey – 
Because I would not, could not, turn back
had to keep going on and on and on
And I did, through the blind days and the stink and the stench
And slipping on blood and spilled guts
And wondering where bits of my body had got lost
But still never stopping

So I should be able by now, after so much
Repeating, humming, muttering, chanting
Singing, shouting, sometimes moaning, stuttering, pattering
Should be able to say
What I mean
Choose the right sounds
Surely?

But still they come hurtling out
Crazily cavorting, crowding in crescendos
And though I cry, ‘Stop stop, I want order
And discipline, you lousy lot’.
They smirk and wink and twiggle on their toes, 
And pay no notice.
And of course, I love them:
Because of their scrunchiness, or their softly whispering 
almost disappearing sweetness
or their delightful savour, or their radiant dazzle,
a feast, resplendent,
sky of unending glory, ever-changing luminosity 
brilliant
forgetting about sunsets

So how should I be able?