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Let's get one thing absolutely clear:
machines and I are not compatible.
It's like this: my mother grew up in a poor home
with not one household implement around
So when she first met a Hoover, she was scared.
What if it blew up? What if it sparked and caught fire?
To her credit, she did eventually master an electric sewing machine -
I remember her screaming at me when I used it, in case I damaged it,
in case I made it blow up.
So now whenever I pick up a tin opener, I examine it with caution.
As for computers, that's a whole other story.
And take cars --- the ultimate machinal monster.
I've tried, but cannot fathom how they work
Just know how to shift gears, how to go fast or slow
(always dimly dreading the expected explosion), how to start and park.
And now I'Il tell you a story about me and a car.
My partner bought an old VW convertible,
an automobile you want to give a name to
with an unmistakable character of its own.
About the third time I'd driven it, I sat down in the driver's seat
and was going through the starting routine.
This car -- I called it Clothilde -- has a dubious hand-brake
so you have to leave it in gear when you switch off the engine.
So here I go: foot on the clutch, move the poke into neutral
switch on the engine, give a slight rev, then into reverse
so I can exit backwards, then hand-brake off, and so on.
Well, I'm repeating this out loud just to make sure I've got it right
(the doubt and fear never entirely leave me)
When my partner beside me says in a very weary voice:
'It starts just like any other car,'

Now get this: I don't shout 'Asshole!' at him,
don't get out and say 'You drive then'
(he couldn't anyway because he's just
dislocated his right shoulder)
I don't even inquire gently why he makes such a statement.
I reply coolly, 'Actually it doesn't, and your remark is totally irrelevant.
I need to know how this car works.'

Well, I make it, I turn on the headlights, I reverse gently,
I drive away, stop at the STOP signs, and get us safely home.

There are two triumphs here:
one, that I remained within my boundaries, didn't react
to my partner's curious, provoking remark
didn't start examining the whys and wherefores of another's mind.
I've made a decision:
Don't blaze, don't roar, don't scream
Listen and listen, outside and inside
Tell my own story, never someone else's.

And the second triumph is that (old) Clothilde
and I are becoming good companions.