For Anne
Published
Topic
People
These staircases lead nowhere
I can see, winding upwards or downwards
that they end in nothing
From far far buffeting winds
I catch the echo of some syllables
so faint and jumbled they convey no meaning
No place, no words
But there is music
I shall play a requiem full blast
in an attempt to drown these howls of anguish
It is as if
all whole things have been split
I think of Hamlet
`Seems, mother, nay it is - I know not seems’
This is
and is unbearable
Different from any other death
the death in childbirth
What ought to be the moment of utmost joy
justification for all pain, revelation of new life
ends in annihilation
`Death blots black out - oh pity and indignation.'
No flowers, no food
Fall, fall, slow tears
Everything topsy-turvy, day into night
life into death, flesh into dust
Sleep has departed.
I wanted to make a song for life, ongoing
I wanted to say that not one sparrow falls unnoticed
This all seems quite irrelevant
Forever and forever, all my life
I shall grieve your loss, my sister, my friend
you are not here
I miss you and I hurt
Once on a hot summer's day
we drove with the children up Mount St Helen's
till we reached the snowline
paradoxical proximity of ice and sun
I shall stick photos of you into an album
Your Memor Book. I shall recite Kaddish for you
All my days
You are not here
I miss you
and I hurt